The Struggle

Good morning everybody! Can I just say I am sorry I have still yet to post about making a true sourdough loaf of bread.  To be honest I have been in a serious funk lately and am battling internally to pull myself the heck out of whatever is going on with me mentally.  Normally I don't like sharing this stuff... let us just call it what it is.. I LOATH it.  I do not like showing signs of weakness or that I don't have myself under control.  I know we are in a day and age now where people are trying to "embrace" their emotions but to be frank I think it is not only a mistake to live that way but also foolish.  How can we strive to have balance in our lives if we are living by emotions that are constantly all over the place?  What I'm saying is that I have been a fool and I am ridding myself of it. (Notice I didn't say try.  As Yoda would say "Do. Or do not. There is no try")

So why did I even decide to write this post if I hate sharing eh? A couple of days ago I was instagram story watching (which I am also soon to limit here) and I saw a girl who I somewhat know. Alright actually we just live in the same town and we don't know one another besides a few mutual acquaintances.😳 Anywho! I was watching her instagram story and this woman looks as if she just has the "perfect" life... (yes I know what is perfect?) Perfection doesn't exist; however if you were to ask me my ideal life it would look a bit like hers I suppose.  She has what looks to be a good marriage, cute little house, no money issues, good strong family, a healthy little babe, a few thriving businesses, good friends, etc.  I started thinking about my own life and if I make it "look" too good to be true.  Honestly, I see the people that share ALL the negative stuff they are going through each and every moment of their lives and I refuse be one of those; but I do want to be my authentic self which is why I decided to write this post.  I also needed a bit of an explanation as to why I have been lacking and slacking on my blog.  I guess this particular entry will be a bit more of a release for me and also we (I) can take from it how important a role mental health plays, alongside of physical/nutritional health.

I notice I go through these seasons of life every so often where I find it easy to give myself a pity party.  I thank God for the strong individuals around me who help lift me up and who hold a mirror so I can see myself more clearly.  I am normally an individual who is strong willed and usually able to pull myself out of these negative feelings however sometimes like lately I need a bit of help; and I have no shame in admitting that.  My Husband helps me tremendously with this along with my friends but I also have some other things that I turn to one of the main ones being my Catholic faith. I cannot say how quickly my life goes awry when my faith life is slacking; without my faith, the love of God and his plan for me, I don't have much to look forward to. All of this combined helps me not only appreciate my present but work harder at it as well! Another thing that has been helping me is podcasts. One that I love to listen to is "Jocko Podcast" which is hands down my favorite.  I have been listening for about a year now and although his podcasts can be intense, wow does it give me great perspective for the frailty of this life and to be prepared for what comes your way. He also talks about taking control of your actions and owning them especially when your wrong (yes, I am wrong quite often... so this helps me grow)!
 I also looked up Tony Robbins on youtube; I had heard of him years ago but had never listened to him. I clicked on one video that talked about controlling your mind and trying not to focus on negative thoughts (overthinking and over analyzing is a massive problem for me ... maybe why I majored in psychology; to try and figure out some of my crazy brain).  While listening to Tony he actually did something that I thought was pretty funny. He said to think about what your posture is when your sad vs when your happy and positive (I am hardcore summarizing). Then he said to stand up and get into a positive pose, like you just made a massive achievement! So here is Lauren in her sunroom standing up with her hands on her hips looking through the skylights and grinning like a retard.  Tony then said without changing your facial expression or your posture TRY to be unhappy, depressed, or sad.  You guys, I couldn't do it. In fact I just started laughing at myself as I tried to smile and be mad or sad all at the same time.  Thank goodness my husband was at work and the mini hooligans were sleeping so no one could see me.  Moral of the story is that it takes WORK to be sad, depressed, angry, or whatever!  You have to work to make yourself slouch and frown. When your sad and depressed you also breathe differently; you take shallow short breaths instead of nice deep breaths that do the body more good.

Lastly, I went to a DoTERRA summit in Chicago recently and without going too far into why I love Essential oils when last year I thought they were retarded, (I'll save it for a future blog if I can get on top of this whole writing shindig) I learned a few more things on mental health.  No, I am not going to tell you which oils I use for my emotions or what my favorites are to diffuse, however they talked about how 70% of serotonin is made in our ..... GUT! I learned much more which I would love to talk about later but for now I'll just stick to this little tidbit.  I always knew our guts were important but I had no idea that it helped create serotonin.  If any are a tad bit lost and don't know what I'm talking about serotonin is what makes us feel AWESOME and so taking care of our bodies in a healthy way has a direct effect on our mental health.  Now I am no Saint when it comes to eating perfectly but overall I'm a pretty good eater and when I'm not being nutritious, I know I'm not. This all together was a pretty big wakeup call for me to do better and to fight harder against myself in all areas.  It is so easy for me to overthink about what I have said and get stressed,  I get upset when I think of what others think of me (I always say I don't care what people think, but lets be real.. we all care a tad even though we don't want to) and I also slack too much when it comes to snacking or not "wanting" to work out.  So without going on any longer of a rant this is why the blog has been lacking immensely and I have not done a good job on keeping my word about writing once a month.  I will be working harder in the future.

ALSO -- just gonna drop another little insecurity right here.  I AIN'T NO GRAMMAR PRO (oh my goodness I despise that word). I actually debated on even doing a blog in the first place because my writing can be poor at times. Here is what I am going to say; if reading my blog and you find an error just deal or don't read. I know some people who are passionate about writing have major issues with improper grammar. I am not perfect and I still want to keep writing. Hopefully practice will make habit and I will get better and better at where I lack with grammar.  Be patient with me and if ya can't then see ya later alligator.  Thats all I have for now, hopefully I will get back to bread here soon. In the meantime here is a picture of a loaf of bread. 😛😉            Mic Drop.